Once you’ve found her, you’ll never want to let her go. For once you’ve found her, the true meaning of all of your existence will fall into place and it will all make sense. Then your whole world will be turned upside down because you’ll realize your whole life has been based on a lie. A box, a prison that was slowly constructed for you along the way.
Finding her is just the beginning. You then have to go about deconstructing, sometimes ruthlessly destroying all that wants to keep her boxed in, both internally and externally. Its a tough path, you’ll loose things along the way, people wont recognize you anymore. You wont recognize you anymore. Somewhere along the way you’ll fear that you my never come back, ever again. It wont make sense for a while, it will hurt like hell, you’ll be opened to feeling beyond the scope of your own body. The earth will cry with you.
At the bottom, when there is nothing left to hold on to, maybe if you’re graced you’ll hear a whisper, you’ll get a feeling, you’ll spot a sparkle in the corner of your eye and you’ll hold onto it. It will resonate through your whole being but you wont be able to make sense of it yet. You’ll just know you have to hold onto it. You’ll want to visit it every day, you’ll want to tend to it, like its the most precious gift on the earth. Because it is, the most precious gift on the earth. For a long long time now, you were told it wasn’t, but thats part of the lie. Down there at the bottom you’ll know that to be true too because you’ve seen past the lies. You might still be caught in the lie, you might still be in some torn down by the wraths of rage and grief box but its composting now, soon enough it will be gone.
But you must hold on to what you found down there, come back to it, listen to it deeply, like its the truth, because it is your truth. You might think you’re crazy at first, you might not know if you can really trust what you’ve found but something keeps pulling you back and you keep listening. Slowly your eyes start to open in the darkness and you realize you can see all of the wonderful treasure you always wished were gifted to you. Now you see them as your own. First you might not believe they are for you. You’ll unwrap things your not sure your capable of holding, you’ll undo ties to lies. You’ll be gifted with treasures you’re not sure your worthy of owning. But you are, they’re all for you, you were born with them and they’ve been waiting all along for you to come back and reclaim them. You’ll dance nervously at first, you may even fall over them and land flat on your face, but you’ll get up again. And again.
You’ll be standing at the bottom and far off in the distant sky you’ll see a star shining. You’ll know that you have to move towards that star so you begin, the long climb. Sometimes the star will disappear, especially when there is too much light, so you’ll know to wait in the calm of the dark, which has now become more than any friend could. Sometimes you’ll loose sight of the star but over time you’ll know its there even without having to see it. The closer you get the brighter its gets, the bigger it gets. It consumes all of you, like that becomes the only thing that really matters. The more you walk, the bigger your foot steps become. You come jingling with all of the riches you’ve found, like earthly market merchant from the middle east, you’ll carry all of your treasure behind you.
The more you walk, the stronger you get, you begin to realize that you can hold what you’ve been given, you do deserve to have what was yours to begin with. The box has gone now, you can vaguely remember its comfort and you offer it up to the enormity of what you’ve now stepped into. You start to wear the jewels, until finally you’re not carrying anything behind you because your wearing them all. You are the jewel. You’ll dance a little more and cry a lot harder. You’ll see the hurt in each human heart and know how to talk with animals. You’ll make love with tress and be born in the ocean. And then finally one day you’ll reach the star and you’ll know, you’ve reached the rest of your life, the day you’ve bought all the treasures of your darkness to the light.