For centuries now we’ve been told how to be women. We’re told how to act like a proper citizen for our patriarchal culture. We’re told how to conform to the very conditioning thats been bestowed on us. We’ve been trained to be pretty, to modify our bodies like objects, to be nice. We’ve been told to smile when we want to scream. We’ve been told to dim our senses, to numb our feeling so we can survive in the nightmare of distortion.
For centuries we have buried the essence of the what it means to be a true woman. The kind of woman who acts from the centre of her womb. The woman who speaks her truth because that is what she feels. The one who knows her authority comes from her feeling body. For centuries now we have been tamed to fit in, to not cause alarm when we see the dishonoring of life. For centuries now we have been taught to go along with it all, even when we know deep inside that its not what we want.
We’ve been trained to become like a line, so we can function in the machine that does not allow for the unpredictability of natures wild. There’s no time for rest, no time to go in and die so we can be reborn. We’ve been told our wild isn’t welcome. We’ve been told to not express or even feel and if we do, then there must be something wrong with us. We must act the same, all the time, so that people who like to feel safe in the confines of the machines small box can know what to expect, they can depend on us.
Inside of me is a wild beast screaming out against the walls that have kept me boxed in. In fact the wall has nearly been dismantled, for I tore it down with my fists of rage and my frothing spit. I tore it down with my tears as I leant against it begging it to go away. I tore it down as I leaned up against it, resting from the exhaustion of the fight. I tore it down with my surrender because i didn’t know what else I could do.
The more I tore it down, the more stars I could see. I could see the trees swaying in the moon light. They wanted to show me how to dance again. I stood up and I copied them. I took my shoes off and let my bare feet touch the earth. I moved my hips, extended my arms and started to sway. My feet grew roots. My finger tips touched the stars. The wild woman from deep down in the underground tugged on my recent roots and moved my hips with her vibration. I felt the expanse of the universe in my awakening soul.
I began to see that this is the way of the woman, the way of the wild. Untamable energy in motion. I’ve been in a straight jacket. Caged in by the walls of institutions. Boxed by the confines of minds. Pounded down by my own inner patriarch. But not anymore….
Its crumbling, its dying, nearly dead, taking its last breath. Now I know the wild feminine in me and I love her too much to let her go, for anyone. She is the wave in the ocean, she is the entire ocean. She is the one who moves with the moon. She is the moon. I am the hag, lover, mother and the warrior. I am HER. SHE is me. There is no separation between nature and me.
When I walk in the woods, she whispers my name..welcome, welcome home she says. She terrifies me. Sends shivers of cold winds up my spine. She pulls me in with her alluring touch. She guides me deeper into her, deeper into me and I’m lost in HER. Wild again. Run loose. There’s no time here. There’s no agenda or project plan. Just wild memories of a timeless time. And I remember suddenly, like lightening hitting my chest, what it is to be a woman. A wild untamed beast of love.